Always something to do

If you are frustrated, you should never be bored. While you wait you can involve yourself in a great deal of planning for your trip or to make your return with your new child a far less frantic experience. Some of the key areas of involvement could be getting your own house in order for a new child. Just as birth parents do for a new baby, you need to do for a new child. The process however is accelerated and specifically tailored to the sex and age of the child you now know you will return with. All of the room things can be done as well as you may have a great deal of clothes hunting to do. As in most cases of adoption, you will be returning home with a child that has nothing. You probably won’t be having a shower of gifts either. Your child will have clothes that are provided at the orphanage, but they stay when the child leaves. You start from scratch. Plus you are asked to provide gifts for officials and coordinators as well as for the orphanage.

Your agency and coordinator are very specific regarding the gifts. A big part of Russian culture is gift giving. Coordinators often have gotten the ball rolling out of pocket prior to your arrival. Some agencies tell you to bring a specific dollar amount to reimburse your coordinator. Usually gifts are insurance that the process moves along, and to reward the many individuals who go beyond the call. Our agency had specific requests for each coordinator and each region they worked such as: “please bring gifts for the Director, Social Worker, Social Teacher, Four doctors, ten nurses (similar) and two extra gifts”. All I can say is and a Partridge in a Pear tree! Usually coordinators, drivers, hostesses and translators like gifts too! Gone are the days that you are told to bring a size 44 Fila exercise suit for the official at the Ministry of Education and so forth. Gifts should be small, tokens of appreciation. Pen sets are practical and unisex is best until you meet the players on your first trip. One the second trip, a more tailored gift may be appropriate. On our second trip to Moscow, I took our driver a part to get the four wheel drive of his 1980’s Japanese car working. I must say that such practicality is appreciated in Russia (and allowed us to avoid pushing the stuck car out of a snow bank again).

Orphanage donations are also requested/ required. You will usually get a list that you can follow. The lists are often suggested by other parents who have recently traveled to a specific region or orphanage. Some agencies have donations already boxed and ready to go for a price. Normal is clothes, shoes, bed linens, soap and shampoo; more specific are vitamins, antibiotics, Tylenol. Orphanages in Russia are in general very poor sustaining children on as little as fifty cents per child per day. Don’t worry if you donate something that is not needed, it can be traded for a need by the orphanage. If you are fortunate to meet the Doctor or Director of the Orphanage, I have had good success in asking what specific need I could address on the second visit. Bringing more practical tailored gifts worked well for us. Rather than a suitcase of clothes, we took school supplies, a stethoscope and an infant blood pressure device. Sometimes an orphanage director will take a family out shopping for them to buy specific needs.
We got incredible mileage out of post its (never seen in Russia) and a good stapler (rarely seen, they use an incredible amount of glue).


Sample List:
Measures to measure baby length
Diapers and wipes
Swabs, cotton balls, Kleenex
Shoes and Socks
Overalls
Development toys
Play dough, color pencils and crayons, paints
Paper
Towels
Baby oil, shampoo and lotions
Brushes and hair ties
Shirts
Sheets
Bids
Ski hats
Needles/tread
Pens and Pencils (for staff)
Cleaning supply
Sweaters
Tights
Ear and nose drops
Eye antiseptic
Disposable syringes, rubber gloves
Band-Aids and sterile bandages
Formula

As you can see the list goes on and on. You may think these items mundane, but may of them are unobtainable in Russia, especially when you are on a budget. We usually packed a full suitcase for each of us, and returned home ladened with Russian gifts and tourist items.

Packing and personal affairs

Seasonality is important. Try to pack light, taking clothes that are modest and casual. Bring one outfit that is business like for your court dates. If you travel in summer it can rain, if you travel in winter, it can be colder than cold. We make our home in Colorado and my wife didn’t have a jacket that was appropriate. There is a reason that the Russian winter stopped Napoleon and the Nazis. It is cold, cloudy and damp. Clothing is sensible and not flashy even in Moscow.

You may wish to pack as if you are traveling in the olden days. Bringing amenity size soap, shampoo is wise as are regular razor (like we used to use). Adaptors kits (220 voltage) can be found for use in Russia in most travel stores, but my wife figured she could always find a hair dryer at the hotel. Think again. If you need it take it. Kleenex, aspirin and any medicines you need etc.

Planning and packing for your own piece of mind is also important. Since we were sending only one parent on one of our trips it is essential to have power of attorney for the other spouse to be able to handle affairs in country. One all of our trips we actually each had powers of attorney in hand in case we needed to act in each others behalf irregardless of the situation.

Since 911 the US Embassy has a special registration form to be used in emergency. Fill this out and ax it to the US Embassy in Moscow prior to your trip. I recommend that you take important telephone numbers with you as well as leave them with family members at home. Communication is expensive at times, and we have had taking a Sprint pre-paid telephone card along. One thing that we did is take a special “fax form”. It is fairly easy to send a fax from a hotel (even a Russian one). It cost me $7.00 but you can squeeze a lot on a one page fax to family, friends or the agency.

I think it is always nice to try to learn some phrases in Russian. We really started to learn Russian with our second adoption. Our son was age six and we had no other choice. All of our contacts we had with our agency coordinators were fluent in English. Not so much so on the streets, even in Moscow.

Medical

When you are matched with a child you may get sketchy or good information regarding the child. Prior to the first trip you are fortunate to receive a picture or even video, birthdate, basic circumstances of orphan status and weight and length at birth and currently. You will also receive a very basic diagnosis of the child’s medical condition. This isn’t a lot to go on, but it’s a start. Seeking a medical opinion of your child’s health is the only prudent thing to do.

Your agency probably has suggestions of specialists in your area who have experience in adoption medical issues. Some agencies also have western trained doctors that can visit your child and assess health in Russia. All of this is of great value in determining if the child matched is within your parameters. Again, I don’t wish to be callous but this is a bit like buying a used car. One needs to evaluate what the condition and circumstances of the child are, and then be realistic with your expectations.

I think every parent should read up on medical conditions. Your doctor will also give you things to look for physically and developmentally. Do not flip out when you get the first report of your child from the agency. You will see MANY scary terms, some are important and others mean nothing medically in Russian or in English! The Russian system has perpetuated orphans having a medical label. This is based on the hash reality of an orphan’s life. Chances of adoption are good for orphaned infants, but the chances fall dramatically after age 3. There is the good possibility that a child will remain institutionalize after this point until the age of emancipation. When a child leaves an orphanage at age 14-16 they are given clothes, a few rubles and a diagnosis. The diagnosis allows a small pension until age 21. Any amount is helpful with the life an orphan faces after being institutionalized.

On each of our trips we were armed with a health questionnaire. You will leave your first trip with a lot more specific information such has an ongoing medical record and physical or developmental record of your child from the time he or she entered the orphanage. You can take these records and benchmark your child’s development and uncover health issues. We also took an assessment and the questionnaire supplied by the Adoption Clinic at Denver’s Children’s Hospital to remind us of questions. All of this information is essential now and when you first visit pediatricians or specialists upon returning home with your child. If you have questions ask in Russia and take them back to the US. You can also find some other assessment forms over the internet.

We also began the planning for our child’s life in America at this point. We verified insurance coverage for our child under our plan and investigated our local school district. Needs of your child will be an ongoing issue upon your return. Being prepared and educated parents again is a step that is accelerated for adoptive parents.