Who to Work With

Location, Location, Location!

What you say? What I mean by this is once you have decided that you want to adopt, then you need help to decide where on Earth. Our book is mainly about our Russian experience. That was our choice prior to really finding an agency. We thought hard and long about our abilities and parenting skills, socio-economic status, and the community we lived in, it’s diversity as well as Colorado in total. We decided who we wanted first. I don’t want to be cruel, but after Columbine we recognized that our community was neither particularly diverse nor tolerant. We also were mature enough to see that when in California we could have had an ethnically diverse family without a problem, but in Colorado it could be “uncomfortable” for us, as a family and particularly as a child.

We then needed to look within ourselves. As you can tell from these pages, I am pretty practical and no nonsense. I needed to feel the correct fit with an agency. I didn’t like the state agency, and I felt really uncomfortable with the faith based agencies. The faith based agency with Christian values seemed to be too sappy and contrived. They required family albums that had a bit too much in the faith department. I didn’t want to join a cult!

We had met families that had been brought together in Russian adoption. We asked all of them for recommendations. It was hands down for a regional agency that happened to have an office in Estes Park. I have found that adoptions don’t fall far from the tree, so local inquiries are sometimes the best. On the East Coast one may hear of Frank or Cradle of Hope a lot in the East, EAS in the East or Midwest and Hand in Hand in the West. In the adoption process one must do his or her homework. In our process we found out as much information as possible about the agency, including reviewing some applications, dossier materials, and even pictures of the staff and adoptive parents trip experiences. Some information can be found on the web. One such site as www.theadoptionguide.com lists agencies, current adoption updates and also a watch list of comments.

All this homework was done prior to approaching the agency. You may find as we did that adoptive parents are extremely hospitable and open regarding the experiences they had. They provide very open assessments of the good along with the bad. We had a good idea what to expect before we went to the first orientation meeting with agency representatives.

Along the way somewhere you will also consider MONEY. NCAI estimates costs of International adoption through Agency or Independently at between $7,000- $25,000.
Not to worry however, the experienced agencies are all very closely grouped in experience and fee structure. I have not found too many individuals driven by price in a life decision such as this…and it’s really not the most appropriate time. Just a word of advise, don’t go it alone. In this case the “Adoption on $5.00 a day” guide book won’t get it done. My wife and I met quite a few couples in Moscow that was doing it themselves and they looked like they had been hit by a bus!

When interviewing agencies (I recommend this) be particular about the contract, expenses, responsibilities and last but not least the staff. In the Adoption Institute Survey 14% of families would not recommend their agency to other families. Ask all of the standard questions such as whether they are non-profit or for-profit, what state they are licensed in, if they are accredited in the Russian Federation, and where they have the support staff in place in Russia. Many specialize in such far off places as Voronezh, a mere eleven hour train trip from Moscow. Others have staff in Moscow, St. Petersburg and surrounding areas. These issues are regulatory as different regions have different requirements that adoption staff and families NEED to know about. Other reasons are practical, such as the city is a 14 hour train ride from Moscow. Believe me Russia is a HUGE country, much of it vast open land. With ten time zones one needs to be practical. Remember, wherever you go, you need to visit the US. Embassy in Moscow with your child for visa and immigration paperwork prior to coming home.

Once these most practical matters are all worked out, last but not least consider how comfortable you feel with the staff handling your adoption in the U.S. Adoption can be one of the most invasive periods in your life. Just think IRS audit and you’ll get the idea. You need to feel as comfortable as possible with the staff as you provide a 20 page life biography, conduct home study, copy your last three years of tax returns, or ask people to write letters of recommendation. Not only that, but you are depending on these people to draw conclusions from your requests and home study dialog in selecting a child that is matched to your family for life.

In Country support is the most important service that the proper agency can offer. Some agencies provide a comprehensive travel guide for adoptive families. The agency we used constantly revised this major piece of writing (over 76 pages). Information is always changing as are forms and official or unofficial fees. Subjects range from “Once your court date is known or you are invited to make your first trip” to entire Chapters on “Information about Russia’, “While you are There”, “Parenting” and “When you Return”. This guide can be very agency specific listing the entire agency contacts in Country and established agency fees for coordinators etc. Travel warnings, telephone use, voltages are practical matters are rather mundane but important considerations. While we did have several little hiccups on the first trip for our second adoption, they were handled with a certain deftness that is highly regarded. The information one needs to complete could take the normal person months of internet work to uncover, much less what to do when things aren’t exactly right. A qualified agency knows exactly step by step what you will need to do, 1st trip, how to pack and what to take for gifts, what you can and cannot take to Russia, what will happen when you meet your child, medical evaluations, court hearing, Embassy packets and what to expect of this process, payment and registration of your child at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. The sample letters for submitting Visa applications and how to correctly complete a Russian visa request or the new “Form-95” will simplify life dramatically. Practical information on where to stay and what to do can make a difference as well.

Like I said before, this is not the time to be cheap. Financial stability is a necessity of adoptive families because one cannot afford to fly by the seat of ones pants. Having the correct information can save hundreds of dollars or hours. The value of having the correct people in country to guide you through the process is essential.

Trust is essential, but all agencies should have good contracts describing fees. You should also have good solid information on the contract as to country expenses and fees that you must pay to the agency and its coordinators when you travel. Some agencies have escrow accounts in the United States for a portion of these fees and all of the agencies advise against carrying as much as the $7,000.00 in “Foreign Support and Service Fees” in cash. A recent Adoption Institute Survey stated that 3 out of 4 families were required to carry cash to the country of origin. Again, this is where the trust and comfort issue with your agency and its staff enter into the picture. The good news was that in the same survey only 11% of all respondents stated that agency facilitators asked them to pay additional fees not disclosed by agencies. I felt very uncomfortable carrying strapped to my body this money in $100.00, crisp sequential numbered bills. I felt like a drug dealer! (Remember in Russia, no one accepts anything other than a crisp uncirculated U.S. Banknote. If it’s dirty, marked on etc. it will not be acceptable or changed even with the official change kiosks.) Getting this type of money may take your bank up to one week, so plan ahead. At any rate once you hand off your money in cash or travelers checks don’t expect a receipt for anything. If you wished to tabulate how much each transaction may have officially (or unofficially) cost you would lose count.

In one instance, after our Court date in Tula, Russia, the Court Building (I’m talking a five story government building) did not have a printer that worked to print our court documents and translations! Our Coordinator took the diskette all over town to find a printer (and ink cartridge probably) to have our essential official documents for us. In the United States, it would be simply out of the question to get a Passport for your child in 24 hours. On our first adoption we were driven to a part of town I could never find again, escorted through unmarked offices and halls to finally see two female passport officers. Told to sign my name briskly by our coordinator we left. The next day I was given our child’s Russian passport. After traversing the halls of justice and government for a while you will appreciate the daunting obstacles that the most talented and well connected coordinators overcome. Put quite simply getting the two of us through the process and getting all three of us out of the Country in a week is a major miracle that I am sure takes a very greased machine.

Support afterwards from an agency can also be helpful. The agency often has seasonal get together with the parents and kids. This can be a wonderful place to compare notes. Throughout the country you will also find organizations supporting the goals of children adopted from a variety of countries. For Russia it is FRUA Chapters(Friends of Russian Ukrainian Adoptees). These organizations offer newsletters, resources and social outlets that can be very important. We also have a Heritage Camp organization near us that conducts camps for parents and adopted kids from a variety of cultures. It’s not a bad idea to go to parties, meetings and events when starting to think about adoption. The resources offered particularly by the parents attending these programs can help a great deal.