Frustrated

In adoption it is easy to get frustrated. Americans in particular are not used to the hurry up and wait mentality. As I said in previous chapters, our family was always in a rush, but that didn’t make our process faster. Such minor things a government closing the country to adoption while it retooled the system can be frequent. In our first adoption, the Russian government did close the country while it revamped what was a relatively corrupt system. The Russian process was standardized (as much as possible for Russia). Such changes for positive as requiring adoption agencies to gain accreditation are always welcome.

One thing that one should appreciate is the way people work in Russian culture. We found that when our agency asked a specific question of the coordinator in Russia, we very often didn’t get a direct response. I know that numerous families’ issues are being clarified and the list of questions is long. In Russia what seems to happen is that should your question be say #5 on the list of ten, perhaps in a return communication number one through four and six through ten are answered. This does not mean that question #5 was not received, not understood or ignored; it simply means that there isn’t an answer YET for #5. Most Americans, especially those adopting would like some sort of response; don’t worry it will come. The other aspect of Russia is that yes may mean yes, but no often doesn’t mean no. No means perhaps, maybe or we can negotiate. It appears to me that Russians enjoy this freedom, perhaps an entrenched hold over to Soviet style practices.

Remember, you have hopefully picked experts here in the US that will be coordinating many different aspects of your experience and that of others. It is the practice and necessity of agencies to fully complete your package prior to forwarding the entire package to Russia. In turn the entire package must then be reviewed in Russia and then accepted prior to even getting an invitation to make your first trip. Any little item that is not just so, may require added documentation or clarification. No matter how organized you or your spouse is in completing paperwork and planning ahead, the process appears to stall at a point. The point of sputter for both our adoptions appeared to be making the first trip. You will receive that call from the agency that they have a match for you and then, nothing. Parents are excited, full of joy and especially anxious at this point, you have a picture, a birthdate, name and some medical information. You can now attach yourself, you want to travel and meet your child.

Why does the process sputter at this point? It appears that it’s the paperwork timeline and the availability of dates in one instance. Once you get your invitation, in theory you have ten day to commence your trip, and then another invitation would need to be extended. This invitation is to actually allow you to travel to Russia; you have to have this coordinated with an appointment with the Ministry of Education official in the area (you need to do this prior to visiting an orphanage or specific child). The other delay factor appears to be a problem with Court dates. It seems that most court dates are on Tuesday and Thursday. There could also be a conflict with holidays. When you travel you need to consider the number of work days needed to accomplish the mission. Be careful as the Orthodox calendar differs from ours and the national holidays are as frequent as those in the United States and also include such things as International Women Day (this kept our wheels spinning for a day on one trip).

I also think it is prudent to say that Agencies do not multitask very well. There is usually one family being attended to at a time in Russia, or in a specific region. If your agency has a coordinator that specializes in Moscow region and another for Tula, they may overlap a bit with two families. This is not a group tour program that has numerous drivers, guides and facilitators; it is usually a very tight knit operation.

The final problem is that you just don’t pop in and out of Russia. You need a travel Visa. Even if you were traveling for pleasure you need an invitation which outlines what you are up to, why and who is responsible for you during your trip. Americans used to the global community will find this process frustrating. On our second adoption, we were told perhaps a month prior to our trip the general time we were being considered for travel. Then we were told several weeks later that “it looks like you will be going the first week of August” and again silence. It is difficult to make family and travel arrangements for two trips totally perhaps three weeks in this way. Don’t get up tight! Researching airfare for general time periods is a good idea, but don’t book anything! Some families that have a biological child may wish to also bring the child for the experience; our son did both first trips. Requesting that he go was something that our agency was not really encouraging, but we did it anyway. You will have to decide if your child is a good traveler and will gain (and not be a drag on you) from the experience. This is tough, jet lagged business traveling. You will have plenty of time to site see, but it is a far cry from a vacation.